Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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