I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
