remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Acid is not a monday night drug
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize