So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
