You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
