i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
