That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
