yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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