If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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