Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize