I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
