FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
