Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
