You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
