In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
