drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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