someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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