They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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