I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
