A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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