You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
