I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
