I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
