mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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