i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i now understand why vodka
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize