So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
