She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
