I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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