I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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