pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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