can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize