I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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