someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
