dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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