You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
