Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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