Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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