i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
