Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize