i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
