one might say we're banned from that church
thus making me awesome and them whores
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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