I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
