Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize