apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
