I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize