Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
