yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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