So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
