I think my fart just growled at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
