i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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