Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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