new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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