Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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