I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
