I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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