he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
