Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
