Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
