physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
