I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
