suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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