i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
