Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
