these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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