Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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