There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
