it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
