Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am naked and annoyed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize