We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
