I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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