I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
