So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
