hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
