Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
