i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
