Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
