You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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