I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
then he tried to convert me to islam
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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