he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
