Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
