Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
